"You always said we'd inherit the world, I always believed"

Must try not to moan.

Again. Same position. Exam tomorrow, I don't know anything. I've not done the work. Exams in later weeks, I don't know anything. I've not even looked at two of them.

Things begin to fit together and make sense when I look at them, but that shouldn't be happening twelve hours before the exam starts. That should be happening the evening after the lecture when I read through everything and did the work. But I just didn't do that. I come home for a cup of tea and a break, cock about on the internet, watch TV and then it's time for bed. Then repeat. I got away with it in the first year, and I just tried to coast through this year. I thought that it was alright just to leave the work because we went through it in the seminars. But it doesn't work like that. And I've realised that now.

If I resit the year, will I do better? I don't know. I could say yes, but why will I? I've said it before, but I've not done it.

But if I manage to scrape through this year with resits (resits are capped at a bare minimum pass, 40%) then what hope do I have for getting a half decent degree? A half decent degree that I should get. The worst thing is that I know this year hasn't been too difficult. It's all manageable stuff. If only I do the work. If I fuck up because everything's too difficult then that's understandable. I'd be in above my depth. But I'm not. The workload wouldn't even be huge. Reading around the material. Doing the work. That's it.

I've told my parents what the situation is. I'm going to see my personal tutor tomorrow after my exam (I tried today but he wasn't in. But he will be tomorrow) to talk to him about what to do.

I'm not giving up on these ones. I honestly can't see myself passing even half of them, but there's no point in sitting on my arse doing nothing these next few weeks. I'm going to work my arse off when I can. It's just that, however much I delude myself, I can't cram. It's a convenient thing to tell myself in the weeks leading up to exams so I can watch lots of episodes of QI.

I think it's better to realise this now than just battle through and find myself in this same position in a year's time. If I resit the year it's only one year "wasted" (but as one of my housemates said it might not be wasted, but just part of a learning curve). If I'm in this position next year (without resitting) I'll have definitely wasted three years, and over nine grand.

I need someone to give me a kick up the arse when needed.

I should stop quoting ¡Forward, Russia! lyrics.

"I wanted to say that you should have seen this coming. Life is a process, honey."